【一切的失敗和不足，都是最美好的安排】
All Failures & Lacks Are The Best Things to Happen to Us
三個月前，收到來自台灣客人的這封電郵時，開心和心酸交織著在心裡。
開心，因為這是一年前通過Zoom視訊的客人。他居然在我們看八字的一週年，特地寫了封感謝函給我，真有心！
心酸，因為他寫在電郵裡的低落心情，我完完全全明白。
他的經歷，是我的曾經。我當初也是很難，很久才能走出來。
有一回，我為一位芳華正茂的女子批八字時，她很用心的寫下我說的話。
論寫筆記的完整，她是我客人當中的佼佼者。
寫到一半，我注意到她的右手開始微微顫抖。我以為是空調的風太大了，冷到她，便問她要不要披巾。
她說，是她的焦慮症發作。
「我沒在兇你，也沒對你嚴厲，你為何突然焦慮？」
「我.....打從今年疫情打亂了我的計畫，我就一直很焦慮。我覺得我很沒用，同學們都前進了，只有我現在什麼都不是，亂糟糟的。我就一直很緊張，萬一我一直都是這樣，怎麼辦？」
說著，她眼眶一紅，眼淚像斷了線的珍珠鏈似的灑下來。
我的媽呀！是我的樣子長得很催淚，還是我的聲音聽起來很虐心？怎麼客人，不分男女老少，東南西北，看到我好像都很容易哭？
我抓起一張紙巾遞給她。
「所以，我不是來了嗎？你來找我，就是要問個明路，而你很幸運那麼快就看到我啦！你看你的筆記寫得多工整，多齊全。我很多客人都不如你啊！我今天的工作，就是來給你答案的。我沒有把握，也不會接你這份差事。我接了，就代表還可以補救。你照著我的指示去做，一定柳暗花明又一村。」
又另一回，一位四十多歲的媽媽請我看兒子的八字。
我在批著八字時，這位媽媽點頭認同，然後就聲淚俱下。
我轉頭看著她沈默不語的先生。我說錯了什麼嗎？太太哭成淚人，你怎麼連紙巾也不拿給她啊？
「我是個沒有用的母親，很不稱職的母親。我沒有辦法教好孩子。我很愛他，可是很多時候我都不知道要怎麼做，我就會對他發脾氣，說狠話，過後我又後悔。我忍下來，可是後來還是會一樣！」
我沒打斷她，等她的哭聲逐漸小聲後，我柔柔的說：「我來啦！我坐在你前面了。你已經看到我，就是有辦法了。你知道你自己不行，會去找辦法，就代表你願意去學習做個好媽媽啊！」
我把紙巾遞給她，再說：「不要哭了，要不然，別人看了以為是我不要借你錢，才把你弄得那麼傷心。」
曾幾何時，我們都會以外在所擁有的，來定義自己的人生是否值得自己喜歡。
從原生家庭、樣貌、健康、身型、智力、天賦等，到後來的學歷、友情、事業、財富、婚姻、子女......
哪一樣沒有，而偏偏是我們最想要的，我們就會認定自己失敗的一塌糊塗。
我認為這就是普通教育最大的問題所在。父母老師都是這樣把我們「分門別類」的。值不值得父母疼愛或向親朋戚友炫耀，也離不開那幾點。
久而久之，我們也只會以「成功」來定義自己是否有價值，甚至來衡量自己是否有活下去的勇氣。
我比較喜歡佛法的定義。我們每個人都是一尊佛，六道眾生皆有佛性，只因一時的迷，因此墮落在苦輪不停的輪迴。
可正因為我們有佛性，我們都有無窮無盡的可能。每個人的內在有著很強大的力量，等著我們遇到明師後，去發掘、探索和了解。
而這天生俱來的力量，就是你改命立命的資本。
如果人生順風順水，我們永遠不會想要出離，誤把人間當極樂，所以一定要有苦，我們才會意識到，為什麼我們會在這鬼地方？要怎麼樣才可以離開這鬼地方去到極樂？
反過來，我們都應該感恩自己遇到的挫折，因為從這些苦中，我們才能生出智慧。
沒有一個八字是完美的。一切的失敗和不足，都是最美好的安排，如此你才會有出離心，返本歸源。
_______________________
3 months ago, when I received this email from my Taiwan client, there was this feeling of bittersweetness.
I was happy because this was the client I did a Zoom consultation last June. He sent me this email on the one-year anniversary date of our Zoom call, to express his gratitude. How sweet!
On the other hand, I could relate to the emotional turmoil he felt at that point in his life.
His experience was my past. It also took me a very long time to walk out from my gloominess.
Once, I analysed the Bazi of a very young lady. She was meticulously jotting down notes as I spoke.
Her detailed note-taking skills easily took the top place among my clients.
Halfway through, I noticed her right hand was trembling slightly. I thought it was due to the cold draft from the air conditioning, so I asked if she needed a shawl.
She replied that it was her anxiety disorder acting up.
“I was not fierce or strict with you. What caused your sudden anxiety?”
“I…ever since the pandemic disrupted my plans, I have been in this state of anxiety. I kept feeling useless. All my classmates are progressing expect me. I have nothing to show for and my life is in a mess. I am very anxious. What if I continue to be like this? What am I going to do?”
As she spoke, her eyes turned red and tears started rolling down like a broken strand of pearl necklace scattering onto the ground.
Oh dear! I am beginning to wonder if I have a tear-jerker face or a heart-tormenting voice. Why do my clients, regardless of gender and age, North South or East West, seem to cry easily when they see me?
I grabbed a piece of tissue and handed it to her.
“Ain’t I here already? You came to me for a roadmap and you are very lucky to see me so soon. Look at how precise and neat your notes are! Many of my clients aren’t even on par with you. My job today is to give you answers. If I didn’t have the confidence, I would not have taken up your request. Now that I did, that means there is still hope. If you follow my instructions, you will see things looking up very soon.”
On another occasion, a mother in her forties came to me for her son’s Bazi consultation.
As I was analysing, the mother nodded her head in agreement. The next thing I know, she started weeping loudly.
I turned to look at her husband, who had been silent all along. Did I say something wrong? And hello, your wife was crying. Why weren’t you gentleman enough to give her a tissue paper?
“I am a useless mother. I am incompetent. I do not know how to teach my son well. I love my son very much. But many times, I do not know what to do and thus I flare up at him and speak harshly. I always regret afterwards. I tried enduring but it still ends badly!”
I did not interrupt her and waited for her cries to soften, before speaking gently, “I’m here! I’m already sitting in front of you. You are looking at me now and that means help is here. You know that you are incompetent, so you went looking for solutions. That means you are willing to learn how to be a better mother!”
I handed a piece of tissue and said, “Don’t cry anymore, otherwise, other patrons will think that it’s because I refuse to lend you money.”
Since young, we have been using external possessions to define whether our lives are worth liking.
The family we are born into, our looks, health, body shape, intellect, talents, and then we move on to compare our academics, friendships, career, wealth, marriage and children.
If we are lacking in the area we covet most, we grade our lives as a failure.
I think this is the biggest problem in societal education. Our parents and teachers categorized us that way. Whether we as children are worthy of their love and bragging, depends on the few points above too.
Thus over time, we can only use the term “success” to determine whether we are of value, for some people, whether they should live on to take their next breath.
I very much prefer the definition in Buddhism. We are all Buddhas. Each and every sentient being in the six realms has a Buddha nature in them. But they got lost momentarily and fell into the endless wheel of reincarnation.
Yet, because of our Buddha nature, we have an unlimited source of potential. Every one of us has a very powerful strength inside us. It is just waiting for us to meet an accomplished teacher, so that we have the tools to explore and understand it:
And this strength that we are born with is the capital for us to transform and establish our own destiny.
If life is smooth-sailing, we would never want to leave and would mistake this mortal realm for Pureland. Thus, we all need sufferings, to realise that we should break out of this hell of a place. There has to be a better world somewhere. So how we get there?
We should, in fact, be grateful for all the setbacks and failures we have. Because it is from these sufferings, our wisdom arise:
No single Bazi is perfect. Every failure and lack we experience is the best arrangement for us, so that the heart of renunciation will arise in us and we will return to where we came from.
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第一個定義是由Ed Diener 提出的「情緒幸福感」(emotional well-being) 或「主觀幸福感」(subjective well-being)，重視個人的主觀體驗與自我評價，以情緒體驗(快樂)來 ... ... <看更多>