心寬了,才裝得下另一個人
心貪了,就會裝超過一個人
【But You Didn't 但你沒有】
Remember the day I borrowed your brand new car and dented it?
I thought you'd kill me
but you didn't.
記得我跟你借你的新車然後撞到,我以為你會殺了我,但你沒有。
And remember the time I dragged you to the beach, and you said it would rain, and it did?
I thought you'd say: I told you so, but you didn't.
記得有次我拖著你去海邊,你說會下雨結果真的下了,我以為你會說:早就跟你說了,但你沒有。
Do you remember the time I flirted with all the guys to make you jealous, and you were? I thought you'd leave, but you didn't.
記得有次我跟很多男人調情爲了讓你吃醋,結果你吃醋了,我以為你會離開我,但你沒有。
Do you remember the time I spilled strawberry pie all over your car rug? I thought you'd hit me, but you didn't.
記得有次我吃草莓派噴的你的地毯都是,我以為你會揍我,但你沒有。
And remember the time I forgot to tell you the dance was formal and you showed up in jeans? I thought you'd drop me, but you didn't.
還記得有次我忘了告訴你舞會要穿正式,結果你穿了牛仔褲,我以為你會丟下我,但你沒有。
Yes there were lots of things you didn't do.
But you put up with me
and loved me
and protected me.
是的有很多事你沒做,但你容忍我、愛我、保護我。
There were lots of things I wanted to make up to you when you returned from Vietnam.
But you didn't.
有很多事想等你打完越戰回來彌補你,
但你沒回來。
PS: 此爲一位美國婦人寫的詩,丈夫死在越戰,自己獨自撫養女兒長大、老死。
第二天,到了義大利北部的Trieste,一個浪漫的濱海城市
站在愛爾蘭作家James Joyce旁的我,真心愛上這個連阿伯都好有型的城市
🎧Lana Del Rey - Blue Jeans
http://youtu.be/JRWox-i6aAk
- in Trieste, Italy 2015
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car rug 在 Red Hong Yi Facebook 的最佳貼文
An incredibly beautiful, sad, brave, wise, inspiring post by Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg. Early this year, I read her book 'Lean In', a book encouraging women to achieve their dreams and ambitions, and was so grateful it was written for such a time as this. I especially loved her chapter about David being so supportive of her. I'm still stunned by all that's happened to them.
Here's to beating the heck out of Option B.
Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband—the first thirty days. Judaism calls for a period of intense mourning known as shiva that lasts seven days after a loved one is buried. After shiva, most normal activities can be resumed, but it is the end of sheloshim that marks the completion of religious mourning for a spouse.
A childhood friend of mine who is now a rabbi recently told me that the most powerful one-line prayer he has ever read is: “Let me not die while I am still alive.” I would have never understood that prayer before losing Dave. Now I do.
I think when tragedy occurs, it presents a choice. You can give in to the void, the emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even breathe. Or you can try to find meaning. These past thirty days, I have spent many of my moments lost in that void. And I know that many future moments will be consumed by the vast emptiness as well.
But when I can, I want to choose life and meaning.
And this is why I am writing: to mark the end of sheloshim and to give back some of what others have given to me. While the experience of grief is profoundly personal, the bravery of those who have shared their own experiences has helped pull me through. Some who opened their hearts were my closest friends. Others were total strangers who have shared wisdom and advice publicly. So I am sharing what I have learned in the hope that it helps someone else. In the hope that there can be some meaning from this tragedy.
I have lived thirty years in these thirty days. I am thirty years sadder. I feel like I am thirty years wiser.
I have gained a more profound understanding of what it is to be a mother, both through the depth of the agony I feel when my children scream and cry and from the connection my mother has to my pain. She has tried to fill the empty space in my bed, holding me each night until I cry myself to sleep. She has fought to hold back her own tears to make room for mine. She has explained to me that the anguish I am feeling is both my own and my children’s, and I understood that she was right as I saw the pain in her own eyes.
I have learned that I never really knew what to say to others in need. I think I got this all wrong before; I tried to assure people that it would be okay, thinking that hope was the most comforting thing I could offer. A friend of mine with late-stage cancer told me that the worst thing people could say to him was “It is going to be okay.” That voice in his head would scream, How do you know it is going to be okay? Do you not understand that I might die? I learned this past month what he was trying to teach me. Real empathy is sometimes not insisting that it will be okay but acknowledging that it is not. When people say to me, “You and your children will find happiness again,” my heart tells me, Yes, I believe that, but I know I will never feel pure joy again. Those who have said, “You will find a new normal, but it will never be as good” comfort me more because they know and speak the truth. Even a simple “How are you?”—almost always asked with the best of intentions—is better replaced with “How are you today?” When I am asked “How are you?” I stop myself from shouting, My husband died a month ago, how do you think I am? When I hear “How are you today?” I realize the person knows that the best I can do right now is to get through each day.
I have learned some practical stuff that matters. Although we now know that Dave died immediately, I didn’t know that in the ambulance. The trip to the hospital was unbearably slow. I still hate every car that did not move to the side, every person who cared more about arriving at their destination a few minutes earlier than making room for us to pass. I have noticed this while driving in many countries and cities. Let’s all move out of the way. Someone’s parent or partner or child might depend on it.
I have learned how ephemeral everything can feel—and maybe everything is. That whatever rug you are standing on can be pulled right out from under you with absolutely no warning. In the last thirty days, I have heard from too many women who lost a spouse and then had multiple rugs pulled out from under them. Some lack support networks and struggle alone as they face emotional distress and financial insecurity. It seems so wrong to me that we abandon these women and their families when they are in greatest need.
I have learned to ask for help—and I have learned how much help I need. Until now, I have been the older sister, the COO, the doer and the planner. I did not plan this, and when it happened, I was not capable of doing much of anything. Those closest to me took over. They planned. They arranged. They told me where to sit and reminded me to eat. They are still doing so much to support me and my children.
I have learned that resilience can be learned. Adam M. Grant taught me that three things are critical to resilience and that I can work on all three. Personalization—realizing it is not my fault. He told me to ban the word “sorry.” To tell myself over and over, This is not my fault. Permanence—remembering that I won’t feel like this forever. This will get better. Pervasiveness—this does not have to affect every area of my life; the ability to compartmentalize is healthy.
For me, starting the transition back to work has been a savior, a chance to feel useful and connected. But I quickly discovered that even those connections had changed. Many of my co-workers had a look of fear in their eyes as I approached. I knew why—they wanted to help but weren’t sure how. Should I mention it? Should I not mention it? If I mention it, what the hell do I say? I realized that to restore that closeness with my colleagues that has always been so important to me, I needed to let them in. And that meant being more open and vulnerable than I ever wanted to be. I told those I work with most closely that they could ask me their honest questions and I would answer. I also said it was okay for them to talk about how they felt. One colleague admitted she’d been driving by my house frequently, not sure if she should come in. Another said he was paralyzed when I was around, worried he might say the wrong thing. Speaking openly replaced the fear of doing and saying the wrong thing. One of my favorite cartoons of all time has an elephant in a room answering the phone, saying, “It’s the elephant.” Once I addressed the elephant, we were able to kick him out of the room.
At the same time, there are moments when I can’t let people in. I went to Portfolio Night at school where kids show their parents around the classroom to look at their work hung on the walls. So many of the parents—all of whom have been so kind—tried to make eye contact or say something they thought would be comforting. I looked down the entire time so no one could catch my eye for fear of breaking down. I hope they understood.
I have learned gratitude. Real gratitude for the things I took for granted before—like life. As heartbroken as I am, I look at my children each day and rejoice that they are alive. I appreciate every smile, every hug. I no longer take each day for granted. When a friend told me that he hates birthdays and so he was not celebrating his, I looked at him and said through tears, “Celebrate your birthday, goddammit. You are lucky to have each one.” My next birthday will be depressing as hell, but I am determined to celebrate it in my heart more than I have ever celebrated a birthday before.
I am truly grateful to the many who have offered their sympathy. A colleague told me that his wife, whom I have never met, decided to show her support by going back to school to get her degree—something she had been putting off for years. Yes! When the circumstances allow, I believe as much as ever in leaning in. And so many men—from those I know well to those I will likely never know—are honoring Dave’s life by spending more time with their families.
I can’t even express the gratitude I feel to my family and friends who have done so much and reassured me that they will continue to be there. In the brutal moments when I am overtaken by the void, when the months and years stretch out in front of me endless and empty, only their faces pull me out of the isolation and fear. My appreciation for them knows no bounds.
I was talking to one of these friends about a father-child activity that Dave is not here to do. We came up with a plan to fill in for Dave. I cried to him, “But I want Dave. I want option A.” He put his arm around me and said, “Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the shit out of option B.”
Dave, to honor your memory and raise your children as they deserve to be raised, I promise to do all I can to kick the shit out of option B. And even though sheloshim has ended, I still mourn for option A. I will always mourn for option A. As Bono sang, “There is no end to grief . . . and there is no end to love.” I love you, Dave.
car rug 在 Step Up English Facebook 的最佳解答
8 CẶP CỤM ĐỘNG TỪ TIẾNG ANH DỄ BỊ NHẦM LẪN NHẤT
Một trong những loại lỗi phổ biến nhất mà người học tiếng Anh thường mắc phải chính là sử dụng giới từ. Dù giới từ cũng được phiên dịch từ tiếng Việt sang tiếng Anh và ngược lại nhưng việc đoán giới từ nào nên được dùng trong trường hợp nào vẫn là một thử thách vô cùng khó khăn cho người học tiếng Anh. Đôi khi việc sử dụng sai giới từ còn thay đổi hoàn toàn ý mà bạn đang muốn nói, đặc biệt là trong những cách diễn đạt mang tính chất cố định. Dưới đây là 8 cặp cụm động từ trông có vẻ rất giống nhau nhưng lại có nghĩa hoàn toàn khác nhau.
1. HANG UP / HANG OUT
To hang up có nghĩa là kết thúc một cuộc gọi điện thoại; to hang out có nghĩa là dùng thời gian để nghỉ ngơi và thư giãn, thường là với một người bạn.
Ví dụ: If he hangs up before I’m done talking, I will be too mad to hang out with him this weekend.
2. LOOK UP / LOOK FORWARD
To look up có nghĩa là tìm kiếm thông tin về một thứ gì đó, thường là trong từ điển hoặc một cơ sở dữ liệu nào đó. To look forward to something có nghĩa là rất hào hứng về một sự kiện sẽ xảy ra trong tương lai.
Ví dụ: After looking up the plot of Woody Allen’s latest movie, I’m really looking forward to seeing it!
3. GET INTO / GET OVER
To get into có nghĩa là bắt đầu quan tâm và làm một việc gì đó. To get over có nghĩa là hồi phục, khỏi bệnh.
Ví dụ: After I get over this flu, which is making me so weak, I’m going to get into biking again.
4. THROW OUT / THROW UP
To throw up có nghĩa là nôn mửa, trong khi to throw out lại có nghĩa là vứt bỏ một thứ gì đó mà bạn không còn dùng nữa. Đồng nghĩa với to throw out là to throw away.
Ví dụ: If my cat throws up on the floor in my living room, I’ll have to throw out the rug that’s in there.
5. RUN INTO / RUN OVER
To run into someone có nghĩa là gặp ai đó một cách tình cờ. To run over có nghĩa là lái xe cán qua ai đó hoặc cái gì đó.
Ví dụ: I was so excited when I ran into my friend that I forgot to look both ways when crossing the street and a car almost ran me over!
6. PUT DOWN / PUT OFF
To put down someone có nghĩa là xúc phạm họ hoặc làm cho họ cảm thấy mình ngu ngốc hoặc vô dụng. To put off something có nghĩa là trì hoãn một sự kiện nào đó.
Ví dụ: I put off going out to lunch with my friend because the last time I spoke with her, she kept putting me down.
7. HAND IN / HAND OUT
To hand in có nghĩa là nộp (thường là bài tập); to hand out có nghĩa là phân phát cho một nhón người.
Ví dụ: The teacher handed out the test to all of his students and told them to hand in the answers before the day was over.
8. BREAK INTO / BREAK UP
To break into có nghĩa là đột nhập vào một nơi nào đó một cách trái phép; trong khi to break up with someone lại có nghĩa là kết thúc một mối quan hệ yêu đương.
Ví dụ: If your girlfriend breaks into your house in the middle of the night uninvited, that’s probably a pretty good reason to break up with her!
Nếu bạn còn biết thêm những cặp cụm động từ tiếng Anh dễ bị lẫn lộn nào nữa thì hãy chia sẻ với chúng tôi ở phần comment bên dưới. Và đừng quên áp dụng những cụm động từ mà chúng tôi vừa giới thiệu trong bài viết này trong giao tiếp tiếng Anh hàng ngày nhé!
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